Foolish hopes

[displacedchild]

"I am such an idiot. Why do I even think this will work. Why am I such an idiot?" Aeren laments at Blazen, pulling at her tunic as she browses the market.

She had decided to return to Badrikaz after all the hell in Hifal and hopefully, *hopefully,* try a real relationship with Mitchell. Not that she thought he would still be interested.

"This is stupid!" she declares, turning away from the stall. After everything, why did she think attempting a relationship was a good idea?

Comments

[blazingfires]

Blazen actually has to scoff at that for a moment.

"Please, he was shy and timid as a mouse when we first met him. Attracting another partner would probably not be likely. I think you are unique to him."

Blazen shakes his head as he smiles.

"Besides, if what you are afraid of were true, don't you think he would have had someone before he met you? I'm sure he's hoped for you to come back."

Blazen's head cocks to the side just so.

"Well, then. Pick something pretty. He certainly seems the type."

Blazen can just picture Mitchell giggling with glee at something like a bouquet of flowers.

[displacedchild]

"He was running from Idefris. He didn't have time for a lover," she said with a shrug. "And before that..."

No, he wasn't privy to that information. She shrugged again.

"He can do so much better than me, and we both know it. I can't even commit for more than a month, Blazen. He deserves better."

Still, that flower-arranger over there did have some nice bouquets. She wandered over, a deep frown on her face.

"I'm too wild and too likely to attract danger, or run off and get myself killed. He's...said before that he didn't want me to die for him, but I have a feeling that it's more...in general."

[blazingfires]

"He was running from Idefris when you two hooked up. Your logic is flawed." A slightly cocky eyebrow raises up in Aeren's direction.

"Looks like you're still pretty committed. Even if you left each other, you're still hooked on him." He shrugs a little.

"Well, I don't want you to get yourself killed either. But I don't think it means he'll try to stop you from doing what you do."

Blazen thinks a minute.

"Living on what ifs gets you nowhere. You should live for what you want."

Blazen's never lived on what ifs actually.

[displacedchild]

“Well, technically it wasn’t until after she found us that we hooked up.” But only in that ‘hooked up’ meant ‘had sex’. “But you’re right. He wouldn’t try to control me. He didn’t even ask me to stay, probably because if he had, I might have said yes…” And then where would she be? Everything about Mitchell made her weak, and she didn’t like being weak…but at the same time, she loved how she felt around him, like she was doing some good, like someone valued her. It was why she understood what had happened with Baeden.

She chuckled softly and glanced at the redhead.

“You know the appeal of feeling valued. I only wish it had been true…” For Blazen. “I’m a fool who fell in love, and now I have no idea what I’m doing, or if it’s even the right thing. It’s been ages, and Mitchell being as sweet as he is, undoubtedly has had other suitors.” He, too, knew the appeal of feeling valued.

[blazingfires]

"Would you have liked to say yes?" If she didn't know what she knew now, would she have preferred to stay with Mitchell?

Blazen's gaze lowers a little.

"I am valued by my tribe, and I was treasured by my father. That should be enough."

Almost as if he's saying never again to caring about someone the way he cared about Baeden. Mistakes shouldn't be made twice.

"Well, I think it's the right thing. I've always thought so. And I'll bet half of my gold on it that Mitchell is still single and wishing to see you. Don't go throwing yourself out until you have your answer."

[displacedchild]

Aeren paused, then turned her back on the flowers. Blazen was much more important right now. She didn’t like the tone in his voice, didn’t want him to just give up thanks to that asshole. She reached up and framed the man’s face with her hands, making him meet her gaze.

“You are very important to a lot of people, not just your tribe or your father. I love you, you know that? And you mean the world to me.” These were not things that she would say to just anyone, but Blazen? He needed to hear it. “Never settle for less.”

It was rare to see her so serious, or so honest about her emotions. Blazen knew well how she felt about Baeden’s betrayal, that she was more furious that he had used Blazen than that he had betrayed them all.

She sighed and pulled back a little, hands on Blazen’s shoulders.

“And honestly? I don’t know if I would have regretted it or not. I think it was for the best that I didn’t stay, though.”

[blazingfires]

Blazen flusters when his face is suddenly cupped in Aeren's hands, and even more deeply when it's followed with by an I love you. It was weird being told it outright. He knew Aeren cared, and he'd come to think of her as a sister. Hell, she's the only person he believes understands and forgives him about Baeden. But he'd never heard I love you from her before.

He doesn't mean for it to feel awkward, it just does. He averts his gaze a little.

"Thank you." It's all he can manage.

And he pauses at her feelings for staying. For what it was worth, Blazen was glad Aeren was there. The thought of how things would have went with Baeden if she weren't there.... He knows it would have been much worse. He'd have no one on his side. He'd have no one who understood, and no one who would have fought for him the way she did. Zana tried in a way, but she was there for business and nothing else. And everyone else in the party was furious, and would probably have sooner struck him down.

He's grateful that Aeren was there. Even if it's for selfish reasons.

"I think it was best that way, too. We needed you there."

[displacedchild]

"It's not your fault he used you," she whispered, frowning a bit. "And not everyone is like that. I hope that one day you can experience what it's truly like."

But talking about Baeden pissed her off, and she was starting to grit her teeth already.

[blazingfires]

"It is my fault. I should have known better. I should have stuck to the job."

And it hurts him. In a place he didn't see it hurting a moment ago. Not because he attacked his teammates, not for being caught in a moment of weakness. But because Baeden's final words did hurt. He was a disappointment. He was nothing to Baeden in his final hour. He was probably nothing to Baeden at all the entire time they knew each other.

It hurts, and Blazen's expression wavers as his mind fills with whys.

[displacedchild]

"How would you know better when you've never been in that position before?" she asked. "First crushes are powerful. You're hit with all these feelings and…" boners "…and thoughts and your world narrows. Even after the first, it does, but you learn to let everything else in, too."

She smiled softly.

"If anyone failed, it was me. I should have paid closer attention, knowing your inexperience, and insisted harder when I realized something was wrong. Instead, I tried to be subtle. I failed you. It won't happen again."

[blazingfires]

"Don't peg this on yourself. I could have stood to listen. You weren't he only one that said this was taking a bad turn." A few of the others had said so, had told Blazen to stand down. And he didn't listen to any of them. Aeren wasn't alone in that.

He really feels like the team's idiot at this point.

"I should have valued you more. And I discarded your opinion to be willingly blind. Even after he dislocated my shoulder, I still followed him. I am clearly at fault."